Month: December 2009

    AT&T drops Tiger, NYC

    Telecommunication giant AT&T recently announced plans to drop sponsorship of Tiger Woods due to his indefinite break from professional golf and infidelity issues.  AT&T has also recently stopped selling certain phones in New York City for unknown reasons.  This has led Tiger and NYC to become friends on facebook and send each other messages about how AT&T is little more than a no-talent ass clown and they could both do better.

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    2009 Christmas Letter

    Hello, and welcome to my 2009 Christmas Letter. For anyone reading this in the future (from when I wrote this), I’ll provide some historical context to help fully appreciate this letter. For anyone reading this while I’m writing this, please stop spying on me. I know how the industry works– radio transmitters in dental cavities, spy satellites tracking my movements from overhead in real time, and, of course, who can forget all the supposedly “free” rectal exams that are only a cover for placing global positioning devices. However, if you are still going to spy on me– even after I […]

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    A Room With A View

    Condemned killer Kenneth Biros could become the first person in the country put to death with a single dose of an intravenous anesthetic instead of the usual — and faster-acting — process if his execution proceeds Tuesday.  This new process is believed to be more humane than the previous method of strapping the individual into a chair and forcing them to watch old episodes of “The View” until they became bored to death.

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