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Lady, I ran out of nice on Tuesday.

"That's a nice shirt/pair of shoes/lavishly decorated tiara"

All I want is a beautiful elven princess who possesses eternal beauty, courage, passion, and kindness but is willing to give it all up for a stuck up, half-witted, scruffy-looking nerf-herder

Here is a song I wrote for Nick– another UPS driver who is also in a country/rock band. I came up with the idea back when I lived in Amsterdam and took the train to work every day. You sit…

Campaign Ad #1 The entire ad is shown in the form of dated black and white film. The scene fades in showing an elaborate 1950’s ball A full sized orchestra is playing Glenn Miller’s “Moonlight Serenade.” All the men are…

Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett recently challenged it’s citizens to collectively lose one million pounds through change in diet and exercise after being ranked in the top 10 of America’s Fattest Cities. After hearing the news, the two half million…

Standing-next-to-a-landing-helicopter-hair is the worst, but fortunately I'm bald.

Rush Limbaugh is expected to visit Afghanistan, officials said on Thursday. When asked about the nature of the visit, the conservative radio talk show host stated, “I’m excited to see the emergence of freedom in a country that for so…

Music superstar Billy Joel married his 23-year-old fiancée Saturday in a small ceremony in Long Island, New York. When asked about the nature of their relationship, the young bride explained, “I have always respected and admired Billy’s musical abilities for…

As if I didn't have enough to keep me busy between not getting fired at work and arranging my Netflix movie queue on the Internet