Lutfey.com

  • After learning of the death of Dick Clark, a group of Nigerian businessmen have been sending out numerous invitations via email to help the world deal with this unexpected loss through their latest endeavor “The $25,000 Pyramid Scheme.”

  • So I’ve been keeping up to date on this whole “CSU wants to build a new football stadium on campus even though they already have one a few miles off campus” ordeal. For everyone not up to speed on the matter, read the previous sentence.  Now that everyone is caught up, one of the proposals is to tear down two of the freshman dormitories to make space for this new structure.

    Of course everyone who watches half as many 1980’s B movies as I do knows exactly where I’m going with this:  THIS IS THE EXACT SAME PLOT AS THE MOVIE “REVENGE OF THE NERDS!”

    Anyone who doesn’t know what I’m talking about, go watch it on Netflix.  Now that everyone is caught up, how cool is that analogy?  The football coach is played by the football coach (played wonderfully by a young and slimmer John Goodman), the President of CSU is played by the dean of Adams State College.  I’m not sure who the nerds are going to be, but they will be walking up to their dorm only to see it blown up (for dramatic effect only– I don’t think dynamite would be the appropriate tool for the job) and John Goodman standing on top of a bobcat with a mega-phone telling all the new students to report to the gymnasium for their temporary housing.

    Having no other choice, the nerds will band together and fight the new stadium constructions like most conflicts in life– in a college carnival setting.  The nerds will eventually come out the winners. Lewis, the head nerd, will have sex with the hot head cheerleader (although he did the deed while pretending to be her boyfriend– I’m pretty sure that could be considered rape.)  Gilbert will find work as a emergency room doctor until he dies of a brain tumor at the end of season seven on ER.  As for the rest of the group, I think one of them was on an episode of Star Trek as an alien or something.

    So just remember– don’t underestimate the nerds.

  • I truly believe that any sleep deprivation study needs to use 10 month old children who wake up a random intervals in the middle of the night.  My second daughter, Samantha, is quite skilled at screaming at random intervals in the night for reasons completely unknown to me.

    So I took her downstairs the other night to try and calm her down, but none of the usual tricks were doing me any good.  Eventually I just sat down with her on the recliner and turned on the television.  After randomly moving through channels we both dozed off in the chair.  When I woke up I had a bunch of strange thoughts in my head such as:

    Drug cartels from south of the boarder are funding conservative super PACs to keep funding for the war on drugs
    The Rosetta Stone company is actively suppressing Esperanto for their own finical gain.
    Jimmy Carter, at night when he isn’t working on being an international peace ambassador, is a super hero whose only goal is to get the United States to convert to the metric system.

    So I’m not really sure what channel I was watching when I fell asleep, but I highly suspect it was one of those crazy 24 news channels. That, or I was watching the Colbert report commenting on these topics.  The last alternative is that I’m just strange enough to think of these things on my own.