Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the nation’s largest private employer, plans to end automatic profit-sharing contributions for its employees in a revamp of its benefits package. A Human Resource representative for the company explained the changes. “Now, instead of giving money to all those employees over and over again, we are going to give these people a chance to live, at a very reasonable cost, in a vibrant, rugged community with fellow employees on the rooftops where they work.  Outside of public view, obviously.”

AOL said on Tuesday that it was buying the influential technology news blog TechCrunch for a reported $25 million dollars in order to bolster its growing online editorial business.  When asked about plans for their latest purchase, a high ranking AOL official replied, “Based on our previous acquisitions, we plan on throwing away everything useful in this new company and putting the company for sale on Ebay.  Oh look, it is already listed, and someone just bid $10!”

A recently completed offshore renewable energy facility has been put into service off the coast of Ramsgate in Kent, England.  The turbines, which will generate enough electricity to power 200,000 homes, are poised to officially take over the record for largest wind farm– a record currently held by Taco Bell.