Lutfey.com

  • President Barack Obama and Russian President Dmitry Medvedev signed an agreement on Thursday to significantly reduce the superpowers’ nuclear arsenals to the lowest point since the arms race of the 1960s.  While many experts applauded the effort, the issue of “loose nukes” such as suitcase bombs was left unresolved.  When asked about this point, Obama replied, “we are confident the danger of nuclear suitcase bombs will be dramatically reduced with the growing trend of airlines charging extra fees for checked and carry-on baggage.”

  • After the first trip to the hospital that turned out to be a false alarm, we came back a week later determined to have a baby.  It must have been very comfortable inside Katherine because Isabel was determined not to leave the womb.  After several more hours of trying to induce labor, the doctors decided to perform a C-section.  I did what I could to be useful by doing thing like rubbing Katherine’s back, eating the complementary food in the kitchen area, and almost passing out on top of the anesthesiologist when he was performing the epidural.  Apparently I’m a bit more squeamish than I thought.

    So, a long story short– the C-section went fine, and Isabel had to make a few adjustments like breathing air, receiving nutrition through her mouth, and not being allowed to lounge around all day in that warm soft jacuzzi of a uterus.

  • I’ve decided to report one million people live in my house on my official census form to qualify my residence as a new Congressional district.  This would give me a good shot at finally getting elected to the House of Representatives, provided I can convince the dog not to vote for my wife.  (note to self:  focus on milk bone subsidies during the campaign.)