The bitter divorce proceedings of the Gosselin family, famous for their reality show “John and Kate Plus Eight,” continue to play out in the media tabloids.  When asked for a comment on the situation, a high level employee of the network anonymously commented, “When divorce proceedings turn ugly like this the judicial system needs to focus on what is best for the children.  We strongly believe sole custody should be given to the TLC network.  I mean, come on, have you seen the parents lately?  They have both gone bat-shit crazy.  And this would fit nicely into our plan for our new reality show ‘Eight’.”

To help prevent the spread of the H1N1 virus, medical authorities in the United States are recommending the following precautions:  get the flu shot once it becomes available, stay home from work if you are exhibiting flu-like symptoms, and, most importantly, avoid any impromptu “Hands Across America” events.

A 72 year old woman who was tasered during a routine traffic stop has received a $40,000 settlement from a Texas county.  In response to this and several other high-profile incidents, the maker of Taser stun guns has created several recommendations on taser gun use, including instructing officers to avoid hitting suspects in the chest and retrofitting guns with a second chamber that, when fired, automatically ejects pre-signed litigation settlement checks.