ABC is working to quiet rumors of a major retooling of their science fiction drama ‘V’.   One anonymous source reported, “yes, we are making one small change to the script after having consulted with Nobel Prize winner and former Vice President of the United States Al Gore.  Now, instead of the visitors coming to take our water, as in the original, they plan on stealing all of our carbon offset tax credits.”

“Jon and Kate Plus Eight” celebrity Jon Gosselin has reportedly turned to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, well known as a spiritual adviser to Michael Jackson, for religious counseling.  The Rabbi released the following statement to the press, “Jon is aware that his recent behavior has been creating a negative image in the media.  He hopes that through a renewed religious commitment he can forge a more positive path for himself and his family.  Also, he discovered that wearing a Yarmulke covers up his growing bald spot.”

The time line for former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin’s pet project involving a natural gas pipeline across Alaska has recently come into question.  Despite recent increases in the price of this abundant resource in the state, many experts are questioning when, if ever, the project will be completed.  To save on construction costs, Palin’s plan called for driving down to the Home Depot in Anchorage, buying 2000 miles of PVC pipe and a few cases of duct tape, and sending 18 of her nephews out on snow machines to fit everything together.