The shit really hit the fan today at work, so I confronted my supervisor and told him that somebody doesn’t know how to use that new high-tech bidet they put in the men’s bathroom.

ABC is working to quiet rumors of a major retooling of their science fiction drama ‘V’.   One anonymous source reported, “yes, we are making one small change to the script after having consulted with Nobel Prize winner and former Vice President of the United States Al Gore.  Now, instead of the visitors coming to take our water, as in the original, they plan on stealing all of our carbon offset tax credits.”

“Jon and Kate Plus Eight” celebrity Jon Gosselin has reportedly turned to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, well known as a spiritual adviser to Michael Jackson, for religious counseling.  The Rabbi released the following statement to the press, “Jon is aware that his recent behavior has been creating a negative image in the media.  He hopes that through a renewed religious commitment he can forge a more positive path for himself and his family.  Also, he discovered that wearing a Yarmulke covers up his growing bald spot.”