To help prevent the spread of the H1N1 virus, medical authorities in the United States are recommending the following precautions:  get the flu shot once it becomes available, stay home from work if you are exhibiting flu-like symptoms, and, most importantly, avoid any impromptu “Hands Across America” events.

A 72 year old woman who was tasered during a routine traffic stop has received a $40,000 settlement from a Texas county.  In response to this and several other high-profile incidents, the maker of Taser stun guns has created several recommendations on taser gun use, including instructing officers to avoid hitting suspects in the chest and retrofitting guns with a second chamber that, when fired, automatically ejects pre-signed litigation settlement checks.

Here was a joke on Thursday’s Saturday Night Live:

A man in Massachusetts who used a pellet gun to steal a hot dog from another man in the park has been sentenced to 18 months in prison.  And just for future reference, stealing a guys wallet can buy you lots of hot dogs.

Here is my version:

A man in Massachusetts who used a pellet gun to steal a hot dog from another man in the park has been sentenced to 18 months in prison where he will be warmly embraced as “the guy who likes to grab other guy’s wieners.”