“Jon and Kate Plus Eight” celebrity Jon Gosselin has reportedly turned to Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, well known as a spiritual adviser to Michael Jackson, for religious counseling.  The Rabbi released the following statement to the press, “Jon is aware that his recent behavior has been creating a negative image in the media.  He hopes that through a renewed religious commitment he can forge a more positive path for himself and his family.  Also, he discovered that wearing a Yarmulke covers up his growing bald spot.”

The time line for former Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin’s pet project involving a natural gas pipeline across Alaska has recently come into question.  Despite recent increases in the price of this abundant resource in the state, many experts are questioning when, if ever, the project will be completed.  To save on construction costs, Palin’s plan called for driving down to the Home Depot in Anchorage, buying 2000 miles of PVC pipe and a few cases of duct tape, and sending 18 of her nephews out on snow machines to fit everything together.

The bitter divorce proceedings of the Gosselin family, famous for their reality show “John and Kate Plus Eight,” continue to play out in the media tabloids.  When asked for a comment on the situation, a high level employee of the network anonymously commented, “When divorce proceedings turn ugly like this the judicial system needs to focus on what is best for the children.  We strongly believe sole custody should be given to the TLC network.  I mean, come on, have you seen the parents lately?  They have both gone bat-shit crazy.  And this would fit nicely into our plan for our new reality show ‘Eight’.”