• This is another idea I’ve come up with for a new UPS commercial.

    The entire commercial is similar to the style of the television show “24,” with views of different scenes at the same point in time.

    Voice Over: “The following takes place between 5:00 P.M. and 9:00 A.M.”

    A timer appears at the bottom of the screen with 5:00 P.M. on the left side and 9:00 A.M on the right.  A UPS driver walks into an office building and picks up a next day air package from the front desk and the timer starts moving.  He walks out of the office and the camera zooms up into the sky to show him overhead walking towards a UPS truck parked on the street.   A label points to the UPS truck and identifies the package car number.  The driver gets in and pulls away from the curb.  A different color marker shows the path of the package car.  The camera angle keeps zooming out.  The path of the package can still be seen as the package car drives back to the center.  Other paths and labels appear following different package cars as they head back towards the center.

    The camera zooms down and into the building to show the package being taken out of the truck and placed on the belt.  It then gets loaded on a feeder truck.  The camera zooms out again and a new label is shown that follows the feeder truck as it drives to the airport.  As it approaches the airport other feeder truck labels and paths can be seen.  The camera zooms down and inside the cargo hold and shows the bin being loaded onto the airplane.  It zooms back out and shows the path of the airplane.  It zooms out enough to see the entire country.  As night falls darkness gradually covers the country and lights of major cities can be seen.  As the airplane approaches Louisville, Kentucky, UPS airplanes with labels and paths from all around the country can be seen approaching the airport, forming orderly lines preparing for their landing.

    The camera zooms in again showing the package being unloaded and sorted in the facility.  It gets loaded on a different plane and the camera once again zooms out and the paths of all the outgoing planes can be seen diverging from the center of the country.  The process of zooming in and zooming out to show the progress of the package is continued throughout the process until the package is delivered.   The timer slows down when the package is being handled and speeds up when the package is in transit to get the entire journey into a 30 second commercial.  When the package is in a facility the map frame gets smaller and new frames pop up to show people moving the package.  When it starts moving the map frame gets bigger and takes up the entire screen.

    An interesting aspect of the commercial is that it could be made with actual  global positioning data from UPS with an actual package.  Just attach a small camera to the package and have a small camera crew follow it from point A to B.  The zooming in and out would have to be done with some CGI magic.  Ideally the package would go from the east coast to the west coast to maximize the distance traveled.

    This idea is way beyond anything I can create with my current video production resources,  so I figured I would put it up on my newfunny.com websites for the world to see and maybe someone can make it a reality.

  • Action star and martial artist Jackie Chan recently stirred up controversy with a comment that the general Chinese population “needs to be controlled.”  When asked how the government should subdue a nation of 1.3 billion people, Mr. Chan replied simply, “ladders.”

  • When I was just a young boy
    I didn’t know what to do
    Bouncing through jobs
    Drifting without a clue

    Then one day my purpose became clear
    I felt a few inches taller
    The very first time
    I wore the brown collar

    So now I go door to door
    Just a spreading my word
    My presence is known
    When I’m not seen or heard

    Brown shoes brown socks
    Brown shorts brown shirt
    You can’t help but to stand up and holler
    When you see that man in the brown collar

    Some days my body gets sore
    I’m only human after all
    Some times that old truck breaks down
    And I give a higher power a call

    Some days the sky opens up
    And the cold and darkness come
    Quitting is not an option
    My work is never done

    Brown shoes brown socks
    Brown shorts brown shirt
    You can’t help but to stand up and holler
    When you see that man in the brown collar