Lutfey.com

  • Announcer: Do you have a girlfriend?

    [Shots of three different guys nodding]

    Announcer: Is she perfect for you?

    [First guy nods, and the other two shake their heads]

    Announcer: Is she inflatable?

    [First two guys look offended, the third one give and apologetic shrug]

    Announcer: If you answered “Yes” or “No” to any of these questions, or if you haven’t changed the channel yet, you need the IGF 3000! After months of continuous use, inflatable girlfriends, or IGFs, have been known to malfunction and produce undesirable behaviors.

    [Shot of man and IGF in bed with the man shivering and all the sheets on top of the IGF]

    [Shot of man and IGF sitting on the couch. She is holding the remote. He says in a whiny voice, “Mannequin again?”]

    [Shot of IGF sitting at the kitchen table wearing a wife beater and boxer shorts with a cheap can of beer in her hand and a lit cigar in her mouth]

    Announcer: If this sounds like you, DON’T WORRY! The developers of the IGF 3000 have used “science” and “technology” to make everything all better!

    [Shot of a lab. One guy is furiously fake typing on an old Commodore 64. Another guy is intently watching a test tube of liquid boil while occasionally looking at something on his clipboard. It turns out to be a comic book.]

    Announcer: But wait! If you order now, we will throw in the “enhancement pack” ABSOLUTELY… at the regular price. In addition to all the basic features already described, the enhanced version will make your IGF even more productive around the house. She can exercise the pets.

    [Shot of IGF in sweat suit being dragged along the sidewalk by a dog on a leash. Then dog is shown riding her leg.]

    Announcer: She can run errands.

    [Shot of IGF driving a car in regular clothes]

    Announcer: She can even work on an oil rig!

    [Shot of sign saying “Footage not available”]

    Announcer: Quantities are, well, in theory, limited, so order now before your pesky roommate comes home and sees what you are doing!

  • Here is a picture of Katherine and I in front of our 2007 Kinetics craft.  Why a covered wagon?  Well, the rap song we sung at the parade explained it all.  Katherine sang the first part and I sang the second part.

    It started all out with my old man
    An old school player doing all he can
    Not much for progress, hard work was the key
    But he never even heard of Manifest Destiny

    But thing got ugly real quick one day
    When pa came home early from bailing hay
    He walked around the barn on the way to the can
    Just to see us playing a little “Jack and Diane”

    So he loaded up the wagon with a months supplies
    Not even time for some quick goodbyes
    It came to me as we walked across this land
    Kids, take it from me, parents just don’t understand

    So I was cruising down the prairie just me and my doll
    When along came an English man six feet tall
    With a long knit scarf and some curly hair
    He jumped into a box that wasn’t quite there

    I don’t have time to explain it all
    But come with me and you will have a ball
    I’ll take you to a place that’s fun and new
    Cause I’m the original Doctor Who

    So he brought us down to the here and now
    And before we knew it he was saying chow
    I’d love to stay and watch you complete the race
    But I have to bounce around through time and space

    So we plan to run the race in its entirety
    In our 1806 S.U.V.

  • In a recent radio address, President Bush promoted a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriages. Even though current Federal law defines marriage as a union between a man and a woman, the President said we must “counteract a few activist judges insisting on imposing their arbitrary will on the people– because we all know that’s MY job!”