Lutfey.com

  • I was getting a signature for a package (like I have to do 60 times a day) on Thursday.  The conversation went something like this:

    “I’ll sign for it if you are nice to me.”
    “Lady, I ran out of nice on Tuesday.”

  • OK– I’m going to confess something here.  I didn’t really write all these posts on April 4, 2009.  In my ongoing effort to get everything I’ve written on to my newfunny website, I imported the blog I started on my myspace page two years ago.  I apologize in advance for any problems this may cause to my loyal readers.

    I’ve been a UPS driver for 3 years now– not quite long enough to get my own route.  Basically I cover other driver’s routes when they are sick or on vacation.  Some customers are rather attached to their drivers.

    “You aren’t our regular/usual driver.”
    “No, I’m the irregular/unusual one.”

    One of the other swing drivers told me that one, and it seems to make people laugh.  And since I deliver to new people all the time, I get alot of practice. My other favorite line goes something like this:

    “That’s a nice shirt/pair of shoes/lavishly decorated tiara”
    “Thanks”
    “They don’t let me wear anything pretty to work– its all brown, brown, brown!”

    Another good aspect of my job is that I can practice the same joke on 50 different people in a day so I can get the timing and wording just right.

  • I spent a few minutes playing with a customer’s dog this afternoon while he finished taping up a box.  When the package was ready he asked if I wanted to wash my hands.  I glanced down at my perpetually-dirty-whenever-I’m-at-work hands, smiled at the dog, and told the guy, “No thanks, but you may want to wash your dog.”