Lutfey.com

  • I’m switching Internet service providers because my wireless service didn’t work well in the wind. A cable modem should improve the overall performance, and, as a bonus, my pornography will stop showing up on my neighbor’s computer.

  • My doctor’s prostate exam really left an impression on me. And by that I mean that all my poop is shaped like his finger.

  • Campaign Ad #1

    The entire ad is shown in the form of dated black and white film. The scene fades in showing an elaborate 1950’s ball A full sized orchestra is playing Glenn Miller’s “Moonlight Serenade.” All the men are clean cut and wearing traditional suits. A few couples are dancing in the middle, but for the most part the men are on one side and the women are on the opposite side.

    George W. Bush is casually drinking some fruit punch and John McCain is in a dress and high heels wearing makeup sitting alone with the other women. They briefly establish eye contact but McCain quickly looks away. Bush sets his drink down and slowly moves towards McCain.

    McCain notices, but keeps looking away when their eyes meet.

    Bush sits down next to McCain and asks, “What’s a pretty girl like you doing all by yourself tonight?”

    McCain nervously coughs and explains, “Well, you see, I’m not like most of the other girls. I like to think of myself as a maverick.”

    Bush replies, “I’m always up for a challenge– how about a dance?”

    “I don’t know,” McCain answers. “You don’t seem like my type.”

    “I’m everyone’s type honey. Now stand up and let’s dance.”

    McCain reluctantly stands up and takes Bush’s hand as they walk towards the center of the dance floor.

    “Just follow my lead and you will do just fine.”

    “I’m just not sure about this.”

    They start dancing and McCain does surprisingly well.

    Bush pipes up, “See, you’re very good at this.”

    Right after he said that, McCain steps on one of Bush’s feet.

    McCain smiles nervously and says, “I’m sorry, that must be my maverick side coming out.”

    They keep dancing and making small talk. The camera slowly zooms out and shows the rest of the party with the following text fades in over the screen:

    “McCain is in step with Bush 95% of the time”

    “Do we need more of the same old song and dance?”

    “Obama 2008”

    Campaign Ad #2

    “On February 11, 2006, Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot a fellow hunter in the face.”

    Change to a shot of Sara Palin giving a speech to a large group of people. In the audience she sees a young man with a Palin t-shirt and a baseball cap with a set of fake antlers sticking out of the top. Sara yells “MOOSE!” and reaches both hands over her shoulders and pulls out two shotguns concealed in her outfit. She starts shooting with guns in both hands as she screams while running towards the man with the moose hat.

    “Who would Sara Palin shoot?”